From Ralph

10/18/03

HOIST by a PETARD from someone else

In recent months I have been lost for words. That is, I haven't felt very much like committing them to print. Too many people are doing it, so I thought to give it a break- walk away and see something of what is left of our world. I have been surprised. There is still much to see- and indeed- much to do. The young have got their hands full with the mess that their predecessors-not me!- have left behind. The virtual world is running away with itself and eating its own innards, and each others. The young are particularly vulnerable and in fact, delicious. But the real world is still happily eating its staple diet, or nothing at all, or, hoisting itself by its own petard. Does anyone actually know what a petard is? I looked it up in the Oxford Dictionary. I was surprised. I thought a petard was a man's truss- or a woman's corset even- which, when you sort of hoist it, or them, up, you feel rather more uncomfortable than you did before you hoisted, thus demonstrating verbally, a form of ironic twist, which you inflict upon yourself.

Imagine my surprise when I read that a Petard is a small bomb which you, (not me!), attach to a door ( and the dictionary adds- etc), to burst it open; a 'kind of firework', it also adds, as though to suggest that a petard is a bit of fun rather than a weapon of serious terrorist activity, or a 'shock and awe' coalition campaign attack, carried out in the name of 'international security', to burst open an unidentified 'axis of evil' which, I imagine, must have a front door.

But, in the real world, our living, breathing world, it is any and all of these things and so I guess we are hoist. I do not think that we have ever been so hoist. In fact, I am pissed off being hoist, because it wasn't even my Petard. In fact, I doubt that 99% of the world's population own their own personal Petard and yet they all feel hoist. We, the world, have been hoist by somebody else's wretched Petard and I think we know whose Petard it is!

Personally, I think it is time we did some of our own hoisting, and I think that we would find that we wouldn't even need a Petard to do it.

Shall we start a Hoisting Season, rather like a Glorious 12th of August Orgy of Hoisting, and hunt any bastard down who has an illegal Petard, that is, a Petard which is legal only to those who hold high office? We owe it to ourselves, and the World. We are horrified. Anyone who reads this, knows that!

For me, anyone who tortures, intimidates, annihilates, wreaks havoc, for whatever reason, religious, diplomatic, security, peace, homophobic, foxes, alienation, being young, deserve nothing better than a serious Hoist. They should be Hoist- IN PUBLIC!

What is an Hoist, you ask? What is your pleasure? I reply. We are civilized, right?

An Hoist can be anything which diminishes the ego of those who would wield a Petard. Duck 'em in a pond. Put Ferrets down their pants. Put 'em in the stocks and pelt them with bad fruit, custard pies and bad eggs. Keep the good fruit, good eggs and any unused custard pies, to feed them after their ordeal, like animals to whom we, as humanitarians, are showing a common kindness. I am sick of the sight of killing and unspeakable criminality against the weak and defenseless. I am sick of Super Power Diplomacy and Cant. I don't want to hear another justification or another excuse. We have done WRONG!

All the rest is Bullshit. It is breaking my spirit. God only knows what it has done to those whose lives we have broken. We!

Following that weight off my chest, I would urge you to look out on my website for my Special Opportunity. For Collector's it could mean the opportunity to purchase some fun items of archive magazines in packs of six (one signed!), or, packs of three T-Shirts from years gone by with my drawings on them. I can hold on to them no longer. I am making space for the next 30 years of creativity. I am coming to terms with the fact that no one can hold onto everything forever. But you have to pay for them. because I have got to live too. Also, you would not value them if I merely gave them away. Please don't let me hoist myself by my own Petard. OK.